Building strong bonds
Top tips to enhance the parent-grandparent relationship
Grandparents play a unique and invaluable role in the lives of their grandchildren. They can also play a key role as part of a parenting team or support network for parents.
While the grandparent-parent relationship is often very positive and rewarding, there can also be real challenges. Whether you're a grandparent who provides regular care for your grandchild, looks after grandkids during school holidays or you only see your grandchildren occasionally, it can be tricky to hold multiple roles as a parent and grandparent at once.
As Australia celebrates Grandparents’ Day on Sunday 29 October, Dr Cassandra Tellegen and Dr April Hoang from UQ’s Parenting and Family Support Centre share their top tips on how to balance the delicate grandparent-parent relationship.
1. Open communication
Communication is key. If grandparents provide regular care, parents should maintain an open channel to discuss important aspects, such as schedules, rules and meals. Addressing difficult topics, like health concerns or ways of managing difficult child behaviour, requires delicacy and mutual respect. One thing parents say they find most challenging is dealing with unsolicited parenting advice from grandparents. It’s understandable that if grandparents see their grandchildren or the parents struggling, they may want to provide advice based on their own knowledge or experience. But it’s best to check first to see if the parents would like help or advice before offering solutions.
2. Building a positive parenting team
Building a positive parenting team is crucial for creating a safe and nurturing environment for a grandchild. It fosters collaboration between grandparents and parents, reducing stress and enhancing day-to-day functioning. When grandparents and parents are able to work together and support each other, it benefits everyone.
As grandparents, you may feel obligated to provide care whenever needed, but it's important to strike a balance with your own life and commitments. Be available to help if it suits you, but keep in mind that you are not obliged to cancel plans or sacrifice your own needs in doing so. Reflecting on your schedules and availabilities before entering discussions about caring arrangements can be really helpful, particularly when approaching certain times such as the school terms or holidays.
Image: bernardbodo/Adobe Stock
Image: bernardbodo/Adobe Stock
3. Being supportive
Being supportive of others is at the heart of positive grandparenting. Regular, brief conversations between grandparents and parents shows support for each other and helps to strengthen relationships. Grandparents can ask about the grandchildren’s recent activities and if parents bring up difficulties, support can be shown by listening or offering help if needed.
4. Managing differences
Differences in parenting styles and approaches can lead to tensions between grandparents and parents. It's essential to manage these conflicts constructively to maintain a harmonious relationship.
When parents comment on something a grandparent is doing that they disagree with; it can create distress. Be open to conversations with the parents about your grandchildren. If the parents are discussing difficult topics and becoming angry or upset, it is important to remain calm and supportive.
It’s important to recognise and acknowledge emotions. Approach the situation in two stages:
- Acknowledge their feelings and inquire about the source of their upset.
- Work together to find a solution.
Conclusion
A positive parent-grandparent relationship requires effort, understanding, and effective communication. Grandparents, play a vital role in grandchildren's lives, and their support can contribute greatly to their wellbeing. By building a positive parenting team, being supportive, and managing differences with sensitivity, you can enhance the parent-grandparent relationship and create a loving and stable environment for your precious grandchildren to grow and thrive.
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